Anniversary
by Karin-sama
Summary: A little Wufei angst songfic where Wufei has to deal with the one year anniversary of Nataku's death.


  
  
Anniversary  
by: Karin  
shinigamis_wings@hotmail.com  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, Wufei doesn't belong to me, nor do any of the pieces of the series I may have taken and put into this fic. Also, the song used "Then You Know How I Feel" was not written by me either, but it reminded me of Wufei who is so often misunderstood.   
  
Summary: For those of you who don't know, it is rumored that Wufei had a wife before he was a Gundam pilot, but everything concerning her is shadowed in conflicting ideas. What I say in this fic might not be exactly correct according to some people's opinion. I'm just writing what I think might have happened between them, if indeed this wife ever really existed at all, to the tune of the song. (If you want to read anything else by me just go here: http://ltnoinsguidetogw.mainpage.net)  
  
*Have you ever had one of those days?*  
  
Wufei sat up with a start to find nothing more shocking than the soft, silvery moonlight making patterns on the floor by his bed. An early rising bird chittered merrily from outside, but that wasn't what had awakened him. It had been the emptiness. A simple sense of nothing that was so not there that it seemed tangible, likable only to the silence so still it rings in the ears. He rubbed his eyes, trying to force the feeling away by the motion. An act of something should be enough to drive nothing away, but it would not be cast off as easily as the bedsheets. He was familiar with its unseen presence, it had burdened him for a year now, exactly one year today as a matter of fact, and that's why it had awakened him.  
  
Walking to the window, he could see the faint blush of the shy dawn trying to gain its courage to smile the moon to sleep. This was the time she had enjoyed the most, although he had not known that until the end. Hadn't understood her description of the aurora, or even of the birdsong that rose in accompianment with the sun. Even though he should have heard the music in her voice, or seen the sunfire in her eyes.   
  
Sleep being denied him now that his eyes were open with the realization of the date, he slipped into his clothes. Clothes that had not changed in style since the day he had first put them on. She had worn white too, every day, even to the ceremony, and though he had many ideas on what she had been mourning for, he never came to any definite conclusion. And it never occurred to him to ask the answer of her. Speaking had never been an easy thing for either of them.   
  
He pulled his short ponytail out of the collar, remembering the day he had slashed off his long, thin braid with his sword. It had been a hasty cut, one performed in confusion and desperate sorrow, but he never thought to change it. It would remain a quick, uneven slash at the nape of his neck, until it grew too long to be taken for a sign of sadness. (1)  
  
The place of prayer was still dark when he entered, and he thought it best that way. Sunlight would have brought substance to the emptiness, and here at least, the nothing was sacred. Here the nothing meant something, a peace of sorts because the nothing was a distraction from everything that was going on. He lit a stick of lilac incense with a practiced gesture, and watched as the sweet smelling smoke filled the small chamber. He then ignited the wick of a white, mourning candle that would burn in remembrance until sunset. He sat cross legged in the middle of the floor, eyes closed not in meditation but in memory.  
  
*When you really need a friend?*  
  
It hadn't been all that long ago, a little over a year, but so much had happened that each day seemed to double itself. How young he seemed to himself, now that he had lived through so much, how young and unexperienced and so ignorant of what he had.   
  
He had been a warrior in training then, preparing himself physically and spiritually for the task of piloting the Gundam Altron in the rebellion against Earth. A very noble cause, and he was very proud to have been chosen. That was why he trained so hard, never swaying from what he believed to be the right path for him. He would secure the freedom of the colonies, his home, and his people, and he held to that with a fiery determination to uphold what he had come to consider a crusade of sorts. The tyrany would be broken and he would be the one to accomplish this challenge.   
  
That was why he had been so upset when his father had taken this away from him. His father was an old fashioned man who had lived on the earth at one time, and had very close ties to it. He had never approved of his only son training to engage his old home in guerilla warfare, and had attempted any distraction to get Wufei to waver in his chosen course. His mother pleaded, his father threatened, but in the end it was the absolute silence of a single girl that had pulled him to a halt in what he had once thought his necessary path of action.   
  
That girl had been his betrothed and his father's last try to keep his son away from war. Wufei had never even considered marriage, but as he was the only child it was essential that it take place for a woman is quite necessary to keep a name traveling from father to son. The fact that it had never entered his mind was of little concern to Chang Akino (2). It had started an argument when it had first been announced at the evening meal, while the entire family was gathered around the low table.  
  
"I have found for you a wife," Akino had said, and quickly stuffed a bite of rice into his mouth to prevent having to answer any questions. To him, that was the end of the matter, but Wufei had a different opinion.  
  
"Now is not the best time for that, Father," he had protested softly from behind his teacup. A woman in his life meant that he could not go anywhere, especially not to Earth in a secret weapon known as the Gundam, and that was not something Wufei could handle so late in the training.   
  
"You will be married in two days," his father went on after swallowing, ready now to take his proper place as unquestioned head of the family. His word was law, and he would not have his authority usurped by the outlandish ideas of his disobedient offspring.   
  
"In two days I will be gone," he was forced to point out, still in a quiet, calm voice. It simply was not permitted to shout inside the home, especially in front of his beloved mother, but as a sign of his anger, Akino carefully placed his chopsticks to the side of his bowl and closed his eyes.   
  
"It has been arranged, Wufei," his mother broke in, pouring tea into her own cup. "And there will be no further discussion." Her black eyes glinted with the danger of continuing his protests while in her presence. If he wanted a fight, it would have to be later. His mother spoke very rarely, but when she did it was with the intent of being obeyed. The meal was completed in absolute silence, with nothing to break it but the clicking of the chopsticks. And although protests burned in Wufei's mouth, there was not another word spoken of it for the rest of the evening.   
  
*The day drags on and on.*  
  
How important that war had been to him then. He would never have believed that he would come to hate it as he did now. He remembered every word he had planned on saying to his father once they were alone. He'd been training for such a long time, and that was to be for nothing? He had only been thirteen, certainly not ready for a wife and family. Yet now that he was forced to live without her, it seemed the day would never end. He left the place of prayer, with the candle steadily burning, to meander about the small lilac garden that surrounded his shrine. She had smelled of lilac, it was the first thing he noticed about her when they finally met. She had smelled of lilac, and her eyes were violet and full of a sadness that he had never understood. Now it was very clear.   
  
Wufei found himself sinking to his knees beneath the fragrant blossoms of one of the bushes. He had never understood her, had been a pathetic excuse for a human being, let alone a husband, and wished deeply that he could tell her now that he knew what she had been feeling. With his hand on the slender branches, he closed his eyes and wished he could be anywhere else except alone, on any other day except the one that lasted for an eternity.  
  
*And you think there's no end.*  
  
No end. Space just seemed to have no end, at least to Wufei's eyes as he piloted the secret Gundam weapon among the stars for that first time. This first time happened to be the day after Akino had first announced that he had found him a bride, and the day before he would fly it again, only the destination would be Earth.  
  
He had returned late that night from his training, and his mother was waiting for him outside near the tea hut with a hurt expression on her face. He knew that he had missed their evening meal together, but decided that it would do no one any harm since the last one had left all with short tempers and hurt feelings. He offered her his arm to escort her back into the house, as the colony lights were beginning to fade into an artificial sunset, but she grabbed his elbow to prevent him from entering. Puzzled, he faced her to see what she thought she needed to say to him in private.   
  
"Your father is not happy," she began with a small sigh, giving a side long glance to the lighted window of their small house.   
  
"This is not surprising," he replied in a bitter tone.   
  
"You know that we do not want you to leave, yet you pursue this madness."  
  
"I do what I do because I want to protect my family and people, and the power to do so has been given to me."  
  
"Our family will die if you leave, and that frightens your father."  
  
"I have no intention of dying, nor of staying, and nothing is going to keep me from this."  
  
"Wufei, please reconsider, your bride has come all the way from Earth. She is lovely, Wufei, won't you meet her? Please?" The sound of the door opening turned his attention from his mother's pleadings to see his father stalking out of the house, glaring at him. Whatever progress his mother had made on his emotions, seeing his father stride up to him brought back all of his stubbornness. His eyes narrowed and his hands clenched even before he heard the first words of the head of his family.   
  
"She's waiting for you," he began in a dark tone that demanded to be obeyed.   
  
"I told you I cannot marry her."  
  
"And I've told you that you will. The ceremony will be tomorrow."  
  
"I'm leaving."  
  
"Not even if I have to lock you into your room or tie you to my wrist. You will not put that war before this family."  
  
"I go to war because of my family, why can you not understand this?" He felt his mother tugging on his arm, but paid her no attention. His focus was on his father and trying to make him see the reasons he had for leaving. If he did not go, who would? He did not want to marry some unknown girl from Earth, the very planet where he would be sent for destruction. It had been selfish of him, but he had thought he was in the right, and felt justified in his actions.   
  
"You value that machine more than customs that have taken place for an eternity. You are abandoning your family, and your wife." The accusation and misunderstanding of the statement burst Wufei's self control and he released his rage.  
  
"She is not my wife! Not now and not ever! I cannot love someone I do not know!" His mother gasped, releasing him to clasp her hands over her mouth in shock and horror at his outburst, making him finally turn to consider her.   
  
She herself had been a part of an arranged marriage, and was much more sympathetic to the Earth girl who was to be Wufei's bride, apparently whether he wished it or not. But that was not the reason she was so upset at what he had said. It was because of the pale young woman who was standing just outside the door, watching all that had taken place between the father and her intended betrothed.   
  
"You won't marry her?" His father asked, putting his arm about his own wife. "Fine, but you must be the one to explain to her why you refuse her." Leading Wufei's mother, Akino went back into the house, leaving his reluctant son outside looking after the girl.  
  
*Do you know how I feel?*  
  
She was kneeling under a lilac bush in the garden when he found her, but she was not crying. In fact, she seemed furious, not at him, but at the world in general. He studied her from behind for a little while, in the light of the stars that filtered into the colony. Her hair was so black it shone blue in the darkness, her skin was so white it almost glowed. She was small, so tiny it was hard to believe she was really thirteen years old. But when Wufei laid a hand on her shoulder, he could feel how muscular she was when she tensed. She whirled around to look at him, her eyes a deep violet and shining. They were dragon eyes.   
  
"You do not want me," she said abruptly, turning away from him again, and the bluntness of the sentence made him unable to speak for several moments.   
  
"That. . .that is not true," he responded, settling down next to her in the grass. How could he explain to her why he could not marry? He couldn't tell her that he was going to leave the colonies to destroy the Earth when her family lived there. "It is just that I must go away for a time, maybe never to return, and I do not wish to make you a widow before you've been a wife." She sniffed, staring straight ahead.  
  
"Better a widow than the wife of a coward who cannot accept responsibility," she retorted, and the comment stung him deeply. A coward? Never him. But how could he prove that to her. "In any case, I'll be able to return home." That was when he realized that she needed any excuse at all not to marry him because she was just as against the match as he was. She didn't want to be here, far from home with strangers who were to be her family. She was from Earth, and the dull contrast of the colony must have been dreadful.   
  
"Is the Earth so beautiful?" He asked, also staring straight ahead, unable to look into her dragon eyes.  
  
"Beyond your imagination." He felt sorry for her then, because she had been forced from what she knew, and then he had been so cruel to her. She would more than likely be happier if he were to refuse her; she didn't want to stay where she was not wanted. "There are things on Earth that you would never find here." She proceeded to describe things that he had never seen in a tone that made him wonder if she even remembered that he was still there. She spoke of birds and the sunrise and summer rain storms. The more he looked at her, the farther away she grew. It was as if she was as unobtainable for him to understand as were the fantastic scenes of which she spoke. And this fascinated him. She herself was a new and interesting challenge. No, he realized, he didn't want her to return to Earth. That would mean that he must go there to destroy what she held so dear. He found that idea distasteful to him now that he had heard what Earth must be like.   
  
Her voice continued, and as she talked, he slipped his hand into hers, making her stop short to look at him. Although her eyes were questioning, her fingers did not draw away.  
  
"One day," he began softly, barely aware that he was speaking at all. "You must show me these wonders."  
  
"In one day," she replied, her lips curled upward in a sweet child like smile. "You will never see me again." He shook his head, choosing to ignore what she was implying.  
  
"Come," he pulled her to her feet. "We must be getting back. Tomorrow is our wedding day." Her dragon eyes flashed with incredulity, but she allowed herself to be led back to his house.   
  
"And when you leave? What is to become of me then?" She demanded even as she walked at his side.   
  
"I will not leave." If Earth was so beautiful, there was no way he could find it within himself to ruin it. He paused on the verge of her name before he realized that he had never been told what it was.   
  
"Nataku," she whispered in a wondering voice, as if she couldn't believe what was happening. "You may call me Nataku."   
  
*Have you ever had one of those nights?*  
  
The marriage was a short affair, as if Chang Akino were afraid his son would change his mind half way through it. His mother fussed over Nataku, although by now Wufei was sure that was not her real name since his mother called her Merian. But he promised himself that he would never call her that. She had brought something special to him, something he couldn't name, but that meant he could call her something special.   
  
She, however, grew more distant as the ceremony went on. Her eyes would look off towards the skylight at the top of the colony, as if she could see her home planet. She was missing Earth, but she had no way of knowing that by her living with him on the colony, she had saved it. Of course, back then Wufei thought his was the only Gundam, he had no knowledge of the others.   
  
He picked up a small stone at the edge of the pond that was located in the center of the garden. It was her garden, though she had never seen it. He had promised her that he would plant it because she had loved the flowers. This was her place, and that is why he only visited it once a year. He couldn't stand to be here, where her presence overshadowed everything. Not because it was unpleasant, but because he felt unworthy of it. She had been so strong, so courageous and proud. And you Wufei, he thought bitterly as he watched the ripples the stone had caused, you were always such a coward.   
  
Their first night together had been an awkward situation. After she had murmured her vows and given him his first cold kiss, she did not speak another word. Wufei's parents had left them alone in their bridal suite that had been built onto the house, but neither one of them were in any mood for romance. She did not want to be there, and he could not blame her. He felt he should make things up to her somehow, but he couldn't quite come up with the appropriate words.   
  
*When you just lie awake, staring at the ceiling until the dawn breaks.*  
  
He did not sleep much that night, hadn't known how she had managed to close her eyes. He awoke to find himself on the floor, having fallen out of the bed because she shared it with him. He watched her breathing, noticing how unnatural the artificial moonbeams looked on her face. She didn't belong there, but she was his now. No, Wufei, he corrected himself. It's her that owns you, not the other way around. Everything about her was so fascinating, but he doubted if she would ever let him get close enough to discover anything about her.   
  
He spent the rest of that night, and many nights afterward, watching her from the floor, expecting her to disappear in a shower of stardust. The dim light reflected off her white nightgown, giving her a ghostly appearance in the dark. He sighed, wishing he could take back his hasty words when he had shouted that he would never love her. But even if he could erase them from time, would it have made any difference in her attitude towards him? He didn't think so.   
  
His fingers stretched out to trace a line down her arm, but for reasons unknown he found himself unable to touch her. -Coward- his conscious screamed at him, and his hand clenched in response to the word. -Yes- he shouted back inside his head, squeezing his eyes shut to obstruct his wife from his sight. -I am, but only because I am unworthy of her.- He sighed, lowering his hand, forcing his fist to loosen. He lay on the floor on the other side of the room, unable to be near her, and spent the rest of the night contemplating the starlight dance across the ceiling.  
  
*Do you know how I feel?*  
  
Never a word. She never said a word to him unless he forced her to, and even then her responses were brief and indifferent. Her violet eyes forever remained fixed to the floor, and she always wore the mourning color of white.  
  
"Do you miss the Earth?" He had asked her once, wanting her to tell him something of her feelings. He wanted to know her, understand her, but most of all he wanted to talk with her. She stood from her kneeling position underneath the lilac bush which she'd been pruning all day to look at him. That was all she would do. Staring in silence while he waited. "We'll go there, if you want."  
  
"Save your sympathy for those you love," she murmured in a rush, and while he stood paralyzed with shock, she hurried away from his presence. He left her alone, simply because he didn't know what to say to her. It is difficult to speak to someone who hates you, after all.  
  
He'd said he didn't love her, and would never love her. Why had he been so reckless with his words? Perhaps if he had kept a few of them back, she would be more willing to share some of her own. He had pondered their awkward relationship all day, pacing about the house and sometimes between the front door and the lilac bush, wondering what he could do to bring himself back into her favor. If he had ever been in her favor to begin with.  
  
He would have gone to bed alone again that night if he hadn't seen her out of his window, standing next to the lilac, the fingers of one hand playing softly with the lavender petals. It had always been her favorite, the only thing that really reminded her of home. He knew it was her place to forget, but this time he was going to make her remember something very simple. He was going to remind her that she was his wife.   
  
"Nataku," he whispered as he stepped behind her. She startled, but did not turn around to face him. "It is late." Her hand lowered from the flowers to her side, but still she would not acknowledge him. "Come inside." Her head shook in a silent no. "Please." He closed the distance between them, allowing himself to run his hands along her arms to coax her. He couldn't stand living like this, and he doubted that she could either.   
  
Her hands were trembling slightly under his own. Concerned and confused he turned her around in his arms to consider her violet dragon eyes. There was a pleading in those eyes, an ache, a need, but above all a loneliness that he had never noticed before. "I have wronged you, and I know this, but I do not know how I am to erase my careless words from your thoughts. You must tell me before we both drown in emptiness." She licked her lips in hasty gesture to hide their quivering. "Is it earth, or me, or something else. I can take you to Earth, and I can take myself from you, but I can't take living with a stranger." Timidly, he slid his arm about her waist. She pulled back, but the attempt to free herself was half hearted. "Let me be your husband." Her dazzling eyes closed, and he held very still, afraid that if he moved she would draw away. Slowly, gently, he pulled her tight into a chaste hug. Something inside him sparked, and his heart quickened pace as she tucked her head under his chin. He breathed deeply to calm himself and inhaled the sweet scent of lilac. What was this that raced his pulse, pumping liquid fire through his veins? What sort of feeling had taken control of him? It was something he'd never experienced before, but now that he had it could easily become something he could not live without. Something that was now everything to him, and yet he didn't know what it was.  
  
"Nataku," he heard himself breathe out the name that explained the strange something. It was her fire in his blood. It was her lilac in his nostrils. It was her slim waist under his fingertips, and it was her dragon eyes that glowed intensely even after he had closed his own. She shuddered, bringing him back into the colony night and the realization that she was sobbing. All the loneliness and frustration that she had kept behind unspeaking lips and downcast eyes were being released as she pressed herself ever tighter into his arms.   
  
"I wanted to please you," she choked through tears. "I only wanted to please you."  
  
"You have never dishonored me. I brought the shame onto myself."  
  
"But I'm so empty in this place." He rubbed her back in soothing circles.  
  
"I know. We will return to Eath if you wish." She nodded, sighing as if a great weight had been lifted from her. Wufei smiled into her blue-black hair and, with a slightly clumsy gesture, he picked her up to carry her into the house.  
  
The emotional turmoil that she had undergone allowed her to slip into sleep within moments. Smiling, Wufei propped himself up on one elbow to watch her as he'd done so many times before. But tonight was different. Tonight they were husband and wife.   
  
"I can learn to love you," he whispered as he put his arm around her. She shifted closer into his embrace, giving a comfortable little sigh. "And I could learn to love Earth." Then, for the first time since they were married, Wufei fell asleep next to his companion.  
  
*If you've heard good-bye and something inside just won't heal.*  
  
Tears welled up in Wufei's eyes as he thought of that night while he stood on the edge of the pond, and he shook his head violently to prevent them from falling. He called himself weak. He called himself a foolish bleeding heart. He cursed himself by everything in the world that he held in contempt, but despite his efforts, a drop of sorrow made its way down his cheek anyway.  
  
He'd just gotten through to her. She had spoken to him, confessed her feelings to him. They were going to start over, together, on Earth, the place that she held close to the essence that was her being. They were young, they had a future, lives that would burst forth with miracles and wonderments. They were just beginning.  
  
Injustice burned in his heart and throat. He threw the rock he had been clutching into the pond out of hurt and anger. They had been cheated out of their life, their youth, their excitement of the unexpected. They had shared that one night, that one break through, where they had climbed from their unstable alliance to form the union that they should have been from the start.   
  
"Not fair," he murmured as he watched the ripples fade. "Nothing is fair." One night he had held her as she slept. One night had he been given the glimpse of what they could make of their lives. One night he had entertained thoughts of being with her, loving her. One night they had dreamed of things that would never come true. Because when the starlight faded after that one night, their future also faded and was lost within the darker aspect of humanity, war.   
  
Wufei hugged his knees, watching the sunset over the pond, streaking it with tendrils of liquid fire. He wondered if there had been anything in his power to prevent what had happened that day. If he had taken the Gundam from the beginning would she still be here to smile at him? If he had done what he had known he must all along would she have lived to tend this garden? He would never know. It was done now, and he must continue on with the unseen wound caused by having love ripped away.  
  
He closed his eyes, remembering what had happened after that night. He'd seen it so many times in his mind, but it never grew any easier to watch. It would never grow easier, and it would never go away. He would be condemned to witness the atrocities of war for the rest of his life, and bear testimony of the unjustice done to him and her again and again.  
  
"Why?" He whispered into his folded arms. Then jerked upright to scream the question again. To beg the answer from the sun that she had loved so much. To hear the explanation of the flowers that she had cared for. To receive comfort from the brightening stars that connected both of their worlds. But there came none of these things, and he stood alone at the edge of the pond with nothing but a reoccuring scene that broke his heart anew every time he thought of it.  
  
*If a memory won't set you free and you know that it never will.*  
  
The Alliance military attacked that morning, the colony equivilent of dawn. It came as a sudden tremor felt throughout the Chang home, and it started both Wufei and Nataku from sleep. He rushed to the window, scanning everything within his sight for what had caused the disturbance. Nataku jumped up as well, taking his arm.  
  
"What is it?" He heard her ask, not in a frightened voice but one ready to take action if necessary.  
  
"I can't tell." A phone rang somewhere in the house before Wufei could really see what was going on, but Nataku was the one to answer it. Her voice was heard only as a background melody as he watched carefully for signs of panic from the residents that lived closeby.   
  
"They said," Nataku began in a steady voice. "They said that the Alliance is here, and that Altron is waiting." He nodded his head in understanding. What they had prayed wouldn't happen was at the very moment taking place outside his window. The Alliance had sent mobile suits to take control of the colony.   
  
"I have to go," he told her as she stood, pale and ghostlike before the phone. "I have to stop this."  
  
"What do you mean to do?"  
  
"Fight." He hurried out of the house, running full speed to where the Gundam stood ready for him to use. Before he knew what was happening, Nataku was at his side, keeping up with him pace for step, her dragon eyes determined.  
  
"You can't come with me where I'm going," he informed her as he dodged around a corner.   
  
"Your home is my home, Wufei, and I will fight alongside you to protect it. You are one against many, and I mean to tip the scale in our favor." Her words startled him into silence and they ran the last bit of the way together.   
  
Once they arrived Wufei gave her a cautioning look to stay where it was safe before leaping into the Gundam. He could only hope that she would obey him, for Nataku had a mind of her own and did things her own way. He went out, his fingers hovering over the controls, ready to attack at the perfect moment. He could see them now. Seven Taurus mobile suits come to take over his home.   
  
The first two went down easily with one swipe of his thermal energy trident. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a third abandon the fight and escape from his machine. He silently called him a coward and payed him no further attention as the last four were coming at him from every side. He could pick up the radio transmit that they sent back and forth between their cockpits. A Gundam, he heard them mutter several times in awe. How could such a thing be accomplished? How could the colonies be so far advanced?  
  
He smiled at their ignorance, almost feeling pity for them. They hadn't been prepared for this, and it would cost them their lives.   
  
The first Taurus unsheathed a beam sword, ready for combat, but Wufei knew better. To start a duel with one would mean he would give a chance for the other three to come at him at once. Better to treat them as a group than to be tied down in a moment of blindness. Wufei destroyed the one directly behind him with a quick turn and a blast of fire from his left arm. On the ground he saw the people of the colony scatter as it collapsed in a useless heap. He stabbed another with the trident as he completed his turn, watching it also fall. The third was taken down with a powerful slash to the torso, where the pilot cockpit would be located. Only one to go.  
  
But there were two. He wondered for a moment if he had miscalculated, but then he remembered the one that had been abandoned. Perhaps the pilot had regained his courage as he had seen his fellows be destroyed. Perhaps he meant to avenge them. Wufei chuckled, the heat of the battle giving him a ruthless sense of humor. He was no match for the Gundam.   
  
They came at him from both sides, a very neat set up for him. He spread his arms out, and released the Dragon Fangs. The spiked hands of the Gundam extended outward in a bursting shot of force, crashing into both of the machines and sending them flying backwards to the ground. That was when he heard the scream over the transmit, in a voice that he recognized.   
  
Lucky for him all the Taurus suits were defeated and he could jump down from Altron to rush to the cockpit from where the scream had come. It couldn't be, he thought over and over as he hurried to the place. She wouldn't have. And if she had, why hadn't she told him? He pried open the dented door to the cockpit, shoving his head inside to see. Nataku was indeed there, still buckled in, blood running down one side of her face and her dragon eyes closed.   
  
"No," he heard his voice in a harsh whisper of denial. Why had she done this? His hands tore at the restraints that held her into the pilot's seat, guilt lodging itself in a large knot in his throat. He pulled her up gently from her position, cradling her head and lifting her out of the cockpit. She never moved, even when he jumped down to the artificial grass to stretch her out and examine her properly.  
  
"Nataku," he whispered, his arms shaking as he held her to him. Blood covered her white clothes in ugly crimson splotches. "You can't leave me now." He felt tears sliding down his face to splatter against her pale cheeks. "I've only just realized. . " he stopped short as a sob choked the words from him.   
  
"Wufei," he heard her murmur in a strained voice. He looked down to see her violet eyes shining with unshed tears, but she was smiling.   
  
"Crazy," he called her, holding her more tightly and willing strength into her. She was alive, and the relief of that made him shake ever harder. "What possessed you -?" He couldn't finish the thought. The knowledge that he had done this to her taking away his ability to speak.   
  
"I had to help you." He kissed her forehead and with the last of her strength she snuggled closer to him. "My husband."  
  
"Don't die, stay with me," he begged, but she was already gone before he had finished his plea. He looked about him, at the destroyed mobile suits, at the Gundam, at the people who were beginning to gather to see what had happened, but everything blurred together as tears clouded his vision.  
  
Anger flared up inside him. Anger at himself and anger at the Earth. They would atone for her blood, he swore they would. He hadn't gone because it was her home, but the consequences of that were more than he could handle. It was then that he made his decision. He was going to fight. He was going to destroy the Alliance. He was going to destroy all of the injustice in the world. He was going to avenge her, because the only thing she had wanted was to help him.   
  
"I'll take you to Earth, Nataku," he promised in a tear choked voice. "I'll plant you a garden." And he would bury her underneath the lilacs, where she had found such solace. He searched her face for any small signal that she had understood, and found a tiny comfort in her soft smile.  
  
*Then you know how I feel.*  
  
He returned to the place of prayer, watching as the mourning candle burned itself out. The scent of lilac was fading from the room, but her memory would never fade from his mind. As the flame died the starlight became visible in patterns on the floor. The wind blew outside in lonely cadence, echoing what he himself felt.   
  
No one understood this about him, because he had barely come to understand it about her. The emptiness, the injustice, everything. But tomorrow he would go on, because he had to. He had to fight on to supress the guilt he felt for being the cause of Nataku's death. But he had been the cause only because of the evil of the Alliance, thinking they could dictate realms that were not in their jurisdiction to rule. Well, he would show them their mistake. It was his personal responsibility to rid space of them. But he would have her strength with him as he did so. Earth could become the place she had described to him, if only he cleanse it of the darker side of human beings.   
  
He walked slowly from the dark shrine, picking his path by moonlight until he stood directly in front of his Gundam. Sighing, he leaned against it, feeling the cool alloy beneath his forehead.   
  
"Happy anniversary, Nataku," he whispered into the night, and for the first time in a year felt the loneliness ease as the wind shimmered the moonlight over the petals of the lilac bush.  
  
*Then you know how I feel.*  
  
Notes: (1) From what I've determined the Chinese color of mouning is white, not black. And as a sign of sadness they cut their hair short. This may not be technically correct, but for this fic that's the way things work.  
  
(2) No, I don't think that's Wufei's father's real name, but it was Chinese and it sounded all right to use because "his father" was getting overused in a hurry.  
  



End file.
